Grief

Thoughts on Grief

I have always called grief “the great trickster!” The reason I say that is that often times its forms surprise us, causing us to hurt in one way and inappropriately moving that hurt toward something else or someone else.

For instance, my Aunt Elaine just died. She lived in Jonesboro, Georgia. Tomorrow I will be a pallbearer at her funeral. Her loss brings back many memories. She fell five years ago on ice and has been in a wheelchair since. She had four sons and a husband. The son that was taking care of her, Mark, had a heart attack 2 years ago and died. His brother Blake began taking care of her. A little over a year ago, in a tragic accident, Blake was driving his lawnmower near the road and was hit by a truck and killed. So, this funeral is not only about Aunt Elaine’s death, but also about Mark and Blake and the losses of life our family has felt.

Yes, with grief comes losses. Losses we can’t explain. Feelings that surface that we don’t understand. I have recently seen the Nardia Chronicles and enjoyed them immensely. But, in watching them, I can’t help but think of C.S. Lewis, the writer of them.

Late in his life C.S. Lewis married Joy Grisham, a divorcee. Three years later she died of cancer. You may remember the story, it was the theme of the movie Shadowlands. After her death, during the grieving process, Lewis wrote “A Grief Observed.” It is the best book I have ever read on grief. I still recommend it as the primary resource for anyone grieving.

Well, what has that got to do with us? Remember I said “grief is a trickster.” By that I mean that grief is not just about someone dying, grief is also about the child who leaves home for good, the divorce, the moving from one city to another, the friend at work who retires or leaves for other reasons, the loss of a job, the face you don’t see everyday anymore who was a part of your life, the Doctor telling you that you have cancer, the new boss replacing the one now gone that you loved. It is also about the victories and defeats in our lives. Not everyone is number 1.

So Dan, what are you really saying? I am saying this, “don’t minimize the hurt going on around you. Grief may be coming out in unexpected ways with those we work with and even with ourselves. Our grief may be over something else than we think.”

Grief above all requires patience. It is a waiting game. It takes days, or months, or years, to get over. Be kind to yourself in your grief and most importantly be kind to others in their grief. It is not something to laugh over and leave, it is LIFE !! And we are part of the healing. You think about that!