Thoughts On Marriage 43 years Later and Today

At the end of this blog is Bob Herbert's last column working for the NYT. It is a good sign of the times, but what about OTHER TIMES? How did they differ?

Today Tammy and Daniel get married in the same church that Janet and a I married in over 43 years ago. Brides and Grooms are an optimistic sort. Marrying inspires, gives hope, a victorious vision of the future. Marriage for most of us is the mountaintop, the pinnacle of life. In marriage one can accomplish anything with ones mate. Children, kindergarden, jobs of distinction, are the signposts. Who carries the garbage, keeps the weeping checkbook, and who sorts through the high pitched voices, is not the addendum we expected.

When Janet and I married in 1967 we dreamed big. But the outskirts were invisible. We were warriors in 67 also. The Vietnam War to protect us from communism. In less than a year assassians killed MLK AND RFK. The country was filled with riots. We did land a man on the moon and I loss my job because of govt cutbacks.  There were few if any jobs for engineers.  Two years into marriage I was unemployed for a long time.

Todays tragedies seem similar to another era. Americans still seem to love war, complain about the rich, are politically adversive to either party, and have visions of a Joshua to lead us to the promise land. Times may not have changed as much as we think.

So what can I say to the newlyweds?

Times are always filled with choices and empty voices. For those times we listen to proverbs. "He shall direct thy paths."

Keep your voices to a dull roar.

Give each other the chance to be heard.

Respect others. Follow the footprints. Love God. Follow the signs.

Enjoy each other. You are partners on the journey.

You may now kiss the bride!

READ BELOW

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2011/03/26/opinion/26herbert.xml