Thoughts on Empathy

Empathy: "The projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand the person better; ability to share in another’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings." (From Webster’s Dictionary)

It is so simply, "Are You Back?" Or a card that says, "I hope you find comfort through this hard time!" The card has been chosen with great care:

"Comfort may come in many ways – a song that reminds you of a special moment, an old photograph of a happy time, the knowledge that, in God’s arms, your loved one shares the same memories. Wishing you comfort at this difficult time."

What empathy is not is someone saying, “"ello Brother Dan, how are you?" Then actually running away so there is no time for an answer.

Empathy. I don’t know! Maybe it is just a gift that few have. Others are so involved in their own world that empathy doesn’t fit. Empathy, or showing by example we care, would just take too much time and who has that, right?

When I moved to Nashville, I lived with Mrs. J.O. Williams (age 86 then). She was as close to a saint as I have ever known. Each night she shared what God was doing, or had done in her life with me. At midnight she got up every night and prayed. "If you ever want me to pray for you," she said, "call me at midnight." On her desk were cards of Psalm 139 that she send out to anyone going through a difficult time. And of course her prayers went to. She set an example of caring and empathy for me.

It is so easy to say we are praying for someone when they are facing loss, or surgery, or family difficulties, but WHO FOLLOWS THROUGH? I have a feeling that our prayers don't mean much if we don’t follow through. When people ask for my prayers I put their name in a book and try desperately to follow through to see how it came out. Yes, I sometimes fail, but I try.

And that’s where empathy comes in. Maybe only a person with empathy really cares? The person with empathy really listens and hears the real need being expressed, that's why their prayers are different. They are responding to the real needs in a person's life, not the perceived needs.

Well, we are in the healing profession, aren't we. What does that mean? It means that we are meeting physical needs but what about the emotional needs. It seems that is sometimes the greatest struggle. The nurses and doctors to me that are most effective have a deeper wisdom, the ability to meet the physical, but also the ability be empathetic to someone, then the ability to see how that emotional structure fits into the needs relating to the illness.

So, all I am really saying is that an email that says, "Are you back," shows a lot of empathy. And maybe this is a time for empathy month. A time to take stock and see that we follow through, or that we check on someone we haven’t seen in a long time, and if we are asked to pray that we really pray but the follow through being the test of our prayers.

How do you rate on empathy? You think about that!