Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Why I journal, or put thoughts on paper!

Sometimes I feel more like a hypocrite than a Christian. I fly down rather than up. I crash. I listen and get stirred by that which should not stir me. I talk when I should listen. I play when I should work. I love other things more than God. I ask more for mercy than anything else. I am the seed that fell by the wayside and yielded an endless crop of nothingness.


With that said, how do I deal with it? Maybe that is the reason I keep a journal, not only to write profitable thoughts but also the unprofitable thoughts that ring through my head. It is a way of trying to make sense of what is really going on in me and around me.

In the front of my journal is a thought by Henri Nouwen that I read often. "I have promised myself not to let a day pass without writing down, as honestly and directly as possible, what is happening within and around me."  How often I miss what is going on around me. Is it possible God was whispering and I missed it?

Last night I had a bad dream. It was a dream about something which may or may not have happened over twenty years ago. The dream is more about things lost than things found. So I tried something different. I made it into a prayer. I have never done that before.

"Dear Father,
I dream of lostness.
A building has changed
my friends have gone
I can't find coffee or elevators
or the room where I belong.
Everything seems futile
I am afraid
I go outside and get lost
I cry."

Yes, pretty sad, but sometimes writing it down --maybe in a new form (art, a sideways writing on paper, even a prayer) brings life to it.

I am a frequent flyer with the Liturgy of the Hours that I use as devotional material. I try daily to read in it but often fail. Today two verses stood out:

"He renews your youth like an eagles." (Psalm 103)


"He made known his ways to Moses."

Neat, right? Maybe God was speaking in those words to me who has been filled with lostness. Yes, a word. EAGLES! Yes. And the ways? Yes, for the Lost there is a way.

When people read my book on Spiritual Journaling I get interested responses. Most of the time I say,"Have you begun a journal yet?" Most laugh and say no. Then, on further questioning, I am discovering that the book has been used differently. It has been used devotionally. At night, before bedtime, one chapter at a time.  Maybe it is a good way of getting sleepy hi.

One of my favorite parts of the book is from a lady whose husband is dying after 60 plus years of marriage. She writes these last words to him. "I want to tell you again how much I love you and cherish each day we have shared both good and bad. I thank the Lord each day for having let our paths cross, our hearts meet and blossom into a deep and abiding love."

Not a bad way to end the day with one's mate.

So today was a LESSON! Did you get it? From a LOSSNESS to a point where God really is saying something to us. That is the point. Make a copy of this blog and try it. It might work, even give you something to meditate on.

From a hypocrite -- on the journey



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